How could anything good come from suffering? This was the question I asked myself when I first heard that there is an argument to be had for the benefits of suffering. I have to admit, that I really resisted the whole idea and thought that it must be coming from people who have never really suffered. Having said that, who hasn't suffered? It seems that we often feel that certain people and certain situations have more of a "right" to suffer. For example, someone who is experiencing the gradual and progressive loss of their mind due to Alzheimer's disease may be perceived to have more of a right to suffer than someone who is suffering because they lost all their money in a stock market crash or a bad business deal. The important thing, though, is that it doesn't matter where the suffering comes from, the experience at a physical and an emotional level is similar. Suffering hurts and most of us try to get as far away from it as possible.
Although the experience of suffering is universal, regardless of the cause, the response to suffering from the external world is varied. For example, people may be more compassionate to someone who is suffering due to illness or loss, whereas not so compassionate if it's felt the suffering is self inflicted. So what good then could possibly come from suffering? If there was no suffering in this world, there would be no compassion. Compassion is a seed that is watered in people when suffering is present. To avoid suffering, means we stunt our ability to grow compassion.
The more I reflected on this, the more I could think of situations when I witnessed and experienced this. I can think of so many times when family members of people experiencing dementia would respond differently to their situation. The family members that were in close and constant contact seemed to demonstrate more compassion than family members who, for whatever reason kept their distance. I often wondered what role compassion had in their involvement. Were they more compassionate because they were present, or were they present because they were more compassionate?
Unfortunately, suffering is not going to disappear anytime soon and since it's needed in order to develop compassion maybe it's a necessary thing. So, if we're left to suffer at times in our lives, how can we learn to suffer less and turn it into a growth opportunity? I think the best way to do this is by observing our suffering and how we feel without trying to deny it or change it. When we accept our suffering, it seems to transform it. When we resist our suffering, it seems to magnify it. Another way to address suffering head on, is by asking ourselves, "what am I grateful for in the midst of the suffering?" This question shifts us from being a victim of our suffering to being receptive to finding the gifts and lessons in the suffering.
I would love to hear from you about how you have managed suffering in your life? Has anything good ever come from your suffering?
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