Alzheimer's Four Agreements

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a book named "The Four Agreements." If you haven't read it, it's definitely worth reading.  It was interesting to me, that although it wasn't written about Alzheimer's disease, the book's message is very relevant to both living with this disease and life in general.  The book "reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering".

The first and most important agreement is to be "impeccable with your word." This agreement acknowledges that the word is a very powerful tool which can manifest both good and bad thoughts, feelings and outcomes in your life. I've often been concerned about the words we use surrounding Alzheimer's disease and believe that the words impact how we feel about it. For example, words like, victim, sufferer, robbed, tortured, violent, non compliant are often used when describing those impacted by the disease. Think about how these words make you feel. Words are powerful and we must chose them consciously to result in more peaceful and loving experiences. Alzheimer's Australia, published a paper, Dementia Friendly Language,  which provides suggestions for preferred terms which result in more positive and hopeful feelings.

The second agreement is "don't take anything personally." Wow, that is a really hard thing to do when many of us take so many things personally. What does that mean in the Alzheimer's world? It means that most of what happens when interacting with people with dementia is as a result of the disease and not as a result of us. It doesn't make it any easier, but it is the truth. Miguel Ruiz wrote, "All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world and we try to impose our world on their world." Amazing! He wasn't even talking about Alzheimer's disease!

The third agreement is "don't make assumptions." This is a really important one in the Alzheimer's world as we tend to make a lot of assumptions based on a lack of knowledge about the disease. He describes that "we make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions." I may be going out on a limb by saying this, but there are no excuses to not ask questions and learn as much as you can about Alzheimer's disease. The more you know, the fewer assumptions you'll make and the less you'll suffer from all the strange things that go along with the disease.
   
The fourth and final agreement is "always do your best." This is a hard one to consider in terms of dementia, because somehow it feels like you're best is never good enough. When we do our best, it doesn't change the course of the disease or alter the challenging situations. I have to admit that I have a hard time with this agreement as it implies that we need to judge our best and the very nature of judging can result in beating ourselves up. Having said that , doing your best is about accepting yourself and accepting the situation that you find yourself in. Doing your best is something that happens in the moment and the good thing about that is that the moment is always changing.

Have you found other agreements that have been helpful when dealing with Alzheimer's disease??