Friday 31 January 2014

Grandma Is Not Defined By Alzheimer's Disease!


My thoughts and beliefs about  people who have Alzheimer's disease or dementia was challenged the other day when I was watching an episode of the Long Island Medium. In case you aren't familiar with the show, Theresa Caputo (the Long Island Medium) connects with people who have crossed over, died, are no longer in the physical world or whatever else you want to call it when someone passes away.

Watching this show, as well as many other sources of information, has reinforced my belief that the soul or spirit lives on when a person leaves their physical body. When this happens, whatever physical, emotional or spiritual difficulties people are experiencing disappear and what is left is pure love and wholeness. I know that there are as many beliefs about this as there are people on this planet, but I really try to keep an open mind and ask myself what if...?

During one of the shows, Theresa met a grand daughter of a woman who had died with end stage dementia. In the final stages she was no longer able to communicate and her grand daughter would share her stories from her day with her, read to her and communicate with her sharing her life without expecting anything in return. Through Theresa, the grandmother shared that she wanted to thank her grand daughter for continuing to speak with her and treat her as though she didn't have Alzheimer's disease. She appreciated and was aware of all the stories she told her, even though she couldn't express it at the time.

When I heard this I got goose bumps! So many of our assumptions rest on the belief that the person doesn't know the difference, doesn't know if we visit or not, won't remember our time together. What if...they actually do, and what we say and do actually does make a difference. What if....when the person dies they become whole and are aware of everything that occurred in this physical world even if communication is limited by dementia? What would you do or say differently?

Of course, none of us really knows what goes on behind the Alzheimer's disease and what happens when a person dies. In a previous post, When Saying "Good bye" Is Beautiful, I shared my experience of being with my mother in law as she passed away, and some of the powerful things that happened. I do believe that if we come from the belief that the person with Alzheimer's is at some level aware, we might communicate differently. I know that I would have read to Jessie more, sang more, shared my day more, went through old pictures more often.  I would have continually reminded myself that even if she couldn't express it, she was aware and grateful!

Wednesday 22 January 2014

What Do Mount Kilimanjaro, Alzheimer's and Meditation All Have in Common?

What a year this has been! It was a year ago that my husband and I celebrated at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. I didn't realize it at the time, that it would be the start of a year with much personal growth. I wrote an article about the lessons I learned from climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, and how they could be related to Alzheimer's disease. I now realize, that the lessons go much deeper than that!

So... what do they all have in common? They all test our ability and are a barometer for how skillful we are at living in the moment and actually being present for our lives. I knew when I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro that I wasn't very good at really experiencing every moment. I spent a lot of time listening to my music and audiobooks and obsessing about whether my solar charger would work, because god forbid I should be alone with myself and my thoughts! Most of the time I spent worrying, fretting and avoiding my feelings as apposed to bearing witness to them and accepting them. Every night I would lie in the tent and drown out my thoughts with my audiobooks.

For the past year I have been studying and practicing meditation in an attempt to be more comfortable with myself and experience more of my life as I'm living it. Although I have a long way to go, I know that I have come a long way. I now can go for a run without my music, I notice more things in nature, I can focus on other people more when interacting, I can actually taste and notice the food that I'm eating.  I feel calmer and have come to understand that "thinking" isn't the answer to my problems or challenges. I have also realized that avoiding or trying to drown out our feelings doesn't make them go away!

Alzheimer's has been the ultimate gift and barometer in that it has given me an opportunity to practice being in the moment. When I can be in the moment with someone with Alzheimer's disease or dementia, I can enjoy the time spent together as I'm less apt to be "thinking" about the past and worrying about the future. For this reason, I will continue my connection with people and families experiencing dementia, as a way to practice and cherish the connections which transcend words, time and space.

Thank you to those of you who are living with and sharing your experiences with dementia. We have a lot to learn about ourselves and this disease can help us to do that!!

Thursday 2 January 2014

Hold Thoughts In A "God Box"

"I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems.  Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box.  It will be addressed in My time, not yours.  Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it...." (Internet chain letter by unknown author).  

Have you ever had a thought that continually creeps into your mind and you can't seem to let it go? A God Box is a tool that I recently learned about and that I've started to use in my life. I wish I had known about it when we were struggling to deal with Alzheimer's disease. There were so many times that we felt a lack of control and worried about the unpredictable nature of the disease and the uncertainty of the future. How does one deal with that?  The use of a God Box (or any other name if "God" doesn't resonate with you) is a wonderful solution.
   
A God Box is a place that you can write down your fears, worries,  or prayers on a piece of paper and pop it in the box to let it go and turn it over to a higher power or something other than yourself. Whenever you find yourself mulling something over in your mind and can't seem to let it go, there is something really powerful about writing it down and putting it in a box. It doesn't have to be a fancy box,  just anything that will hold your thoughts.
   
The neat thing about a God Box is that you don't need to believe in God to use it or get the benefit from it. The catch is that once you write it down and pop it in the box, you need to let it go. This is not an easy thing to do, but with practice you can get better at it. If something keeps coming up in my mind after I've put it in my God Box, I remind myself that it's in the box so I don't need to think about it.
   
The kinds of things you put in your God Box is really a personal thing.  I sometimes put things I'm worried about, or other times I put prayers or wishes for other people who may be struggling, or I put some sort of positive affirmation that I want to manifest in my life. One thing for sure, anything that can be written down and released will create space in your mind and thinking for creative solutions and problem solving. Focusing on the same old problems with the same old thinking, doesn't serve us well!!
   
Wendy Leung wrote a nice little article in The Globe and Mail, called "The God Box: transferring your troubles to a higher authority." She also includes the dos and don'ts of keeping a God Box. If you're into electronic tools, there's an app which offers a virtual God Box to keep track of your worries.

If you've ever used a God Box or an equivalent, I'd love to hear from you. Has a God Box made a difference in your life?