Non-attachment does not mean indifference or non-loving. Non-attachment and love are one and the same. Non-attachment gives freedom, but attachment brings bondage- Swami Rama
Do you ever feel that Alzheimer's disease is all consuming and has become a major and over powering focus in your life? My husband often shared that he had difficulty finding peace and happiness when his mom was experiencing dementia. I asked him whether or not he thought he could have practiced detachment from his mother's situation and he said: "No I wouldn't have been able to detach from my mother." Is it possible to detach from the disease, but not the person?
I would like to suggest that it is possible to detach with love from situations that are painful and unhealthy. I don't mean that you avoid the person, or stick your head in the sand. I mean that you balance out your compassion and focus on the other, with an equal or greater focus on nurturing and loving yourself. Practicing detachment allows us to let go of our obsession on another person and begin to live more peacefully.
In relation to Alzheimer's disease, there is a fine balance between being over involved and under involved. As the disease progresses, it is important that people who love and care for the person with the disease, advocate and step in when necessary. Once that job is done, the family/friends benefit from refocusing their energy and attention on their own lives, trusting that all is as it should be. Recognizing that no amount of involvement or caring can change the disease itself.
Practicing detachment also enables the care providers to look after themselves and find some peace and serenity in the situation. This peaceful and accepting feeling will be mirrored in the interactions with the person with dementia. The more peaceful and calm the caregivers are, the more peaceful and calm the person with alzheimer's will be.
Deepak Chopra describes how to put the spiritual law of detachment into effect by following a number of steps. The first step is allowing the person with dementia to be as they are. Not trying to change the behaviors or expect that our views of reality are conformed to. The second step is to "factor in uncertainty"and accepting that solutions to problems will emerge when the time is right. The final step includes believing that opportunities for beautiful moments exist, if you remain open to seeing them.
Are you comfortable with the concept of detachment as it relates to Alzheimer's disease?
Friday 30 August 2013
Monday 26 August 2013
Animals Connect You With Your Soul
There is so much that can be said about the importance and value of animals in the lives of people experiencing Alzheimer's disease. I was recently introduced to the idea of a "soul contract" by Danielle MacKinnon and I was fascinated by a perspective that I hadn't heard before. Danielle describes how animals help us to evolve and connect with our soul, through unconditional love. She explains that pets come into our life to help us heal and for a purpose. Animals help us get in touch with areas in our lives that we need to work on. Listen to this fascinating interview with Danielle:
This idea, got me thinking about my dog. I got Molly about two years ago and I didn't know why I wanted a dog, I just knew that I needed one. Recognizing that she would "tie me down", and that it wasn't practical, I still decided to proceed. So I got Molly and she has changed my life! Molly and I got certified as a Pet Partner team and started our volunteer work with people experiencing dementia. I realized how much I had missed having dementia in my life, as it truly has been a "calling" for me. Molly has encouraged me to open up that door again. My work in the dementia world has started to be recreated and I started this blog because of my desire to make a difference. I also began working with Open Arms Patient Advocacy Society, helping people who are experiencing Alzheimer's disease or dementia, navigate and get answers in the health care system.
Molly also helped me at a personal level, when I started noticing that she was mirroring what I was feeling. For example, when I was anxious she would start licking her lips. When I calmed myself, she would stop. I actually couldn't believe it when I started testing out this observation. Now when she starts licking her lips, I do a gut check and realize that she is mirroring my energy. She's also helped me to become more patient and be aware of when I'm feeling impatient. Our training sessions never go well when I'm impatient because she is needing me to be patient.
So what has this got to do with Alzheimer's disease? I'm a firm believer that people with Alzheimer's disease need to be surrounded by animals. As the disease progresses and words become more difficult there is nothing more powerful than an animal connecting at the level of the soul with a person with Alzheimer's disease. Animals gravitate to the person who needs that connection the most. In the facility that I worked, there was a man with the end stages of Alzheimer's disease. We had a number of resident cats and this one particular cat became his life line. This cat, was his connection to his soul and spent all his time in this gentleman's room. The cat had an important mission and was able to calm this man when he got anxious and gave him a connection that he otherwise wouldn't have had. At the end of this man's life, this cat provided palliative care and was at his bedside when he left this world.
Have animals helped connect you to your soul? What has your pet taught you? How do we overcome the barriers to having more animals in the Alzheimer's world??
This idea, got me thinking about my dog. I got Molly about two years ago and I didn't know why I wanted a dog, I just knew that I needed one. Recognizing that she would "tie me down", and that it wasn't practical, I still decided to proceed. So I got Molly and she has changed my life! Molly and I got certified as a Pet Partner team and started our volunteer work with people experiencing dementia. I realized how much I had missed having dementia in my life, as it truly has been a "calling" for me. Molly has encouraged me to open up that door again. My work in the dementia world has started to be recreated and I started this blog because of my desire to make a difference. I also began working with Open Arms Patient Advocacy Society, helping people who are experiencing Alzheimer's disease or dementia, navigate and get answers in the health care system.
Molly also helped me at a personal level, when I started noticing that she was mirroring what I was feeling. For example, when I was anxious she would start licking her lips. When I calmed myself, she would stop. I actually couldn't believe it when I started testing out this observation. Now when she starts licking her lips, I do a gut check and realize that she is mirroring my energy. She's also helped me to become more patient and be aware of when I'm feeling impatient. Our training sessions never go well when I'm impatient because she is needing me to be patient.
So what has this got to do with Alzheimer's disease? I'm a firm believer that people with Alzheimer's disease need to be surrounded by animals. As the disease progresses and words become more difficult there is nothing more powerful than an animal connecting at the level of the soul with a person with Alzheimer's disease. Animals gravitate to the person who needs that connection the most. In the facility that I worked, there was a man with the end stages of Alzheimer's disease. We had a number of resident cats and this one particular cat became his life line. This cat, was his connection to his soul and spent all his time in this gentleman's room. The cat had an important mission and was able to calm this man when he got anxious and gave him a connection that he otherwise wouldn't have had. At the end of this man's life, this cat provided palliative care and was at his bedside when he left this world.
Have animals helped connect you to your soul? What has your pet taught you? How do we overcome the barriers to having more animals in the Alzheimer's world??
Wednesday 21 August 2013
Give Yourself Permission to Experience Alzheimer's Disease Fully
One of the things I found most difficult about my experience with Alzheimer's disease, was that I often found myself denying or trying to ignore my feelings in an effort to feel better. The consequences of this avoidance, was that I actually felt worse without even being aware of it. I thought, that if I could ignore what I was feeling and not acknowledge it, it would somehow go away.
The avoidance of my feelings resulted in the avoidance of spending time with my mother in law. I had many great excuses like; I was too busy with work, or had too many family responsibilities, or she wouldn't remember whether I was there or not, or I didn't have enough time. The list would go on! But if I was being honest with myself, I was trying to avoid the pain and grief that I was feeling as a result of losing the person that I once knew.
Through some of the soul searching work that I have been doing, I have come to understand that the only way out of pain and suffering is through it. You can't go around it, you can't avoid it, you can't pretend it doesn't exist. Well, I suppose you can but all those techniques will fuel the pain rather than ease it. The only way out of pain and suffering is to embrace it like a close friend. Acknowledge it's there, give it a name, feel it fully and allow yourself to experience it without judging whether it's good or bad.
As painful as it is, being authentic and honest about your feelings will enable you to move beyond the pain and suffering and experience Alzheimer's disease more peacefully. If you're the kind of person who avoids feeling some of these difficult or uncomfortable emotions, perhaps, Alzheimer's disease has come into your life to help you grow. As August Gold so eloquently stated: "To enter the conversation of life we have only to change one key word: We have to stop asking why this is happening to me and start asking why it is happening for me?"
Today, try to be honest about your feelings and feel the pain and suffering that may be in your life. Give yourself permission to embrace what you're feeling. Are you honest with your feelings? Do you embrace the good feelings as well as the ones that aren't so pleasant? What lessons can we learn from Alzheimer's disease?
The avoidance of my feelings resulted in the avoidance of spending time with my mother in law. I had many great excuses like; I was too busy with work, or had too many family responsibilities, or she wouldn't remember whether I was there or not, or I didn't have enough time. The list would go on! But if I was being honest with myself, I was trying to avoid the pain and grief that I was feeling as a result of losing the person that I once knew.
Through some of the soul searching work that I have been doing, I have come to understand that the only way out of pain and suffering is through it. You can't go around it, you can't avoid it, you can't pretend it doesn't exist. Well, I suppose you can but all those techniques will fuel the pain rather than ease it. The only way out of pain and suffering is to embrace it like a close friend. Acknowledge it's there, give it a name, feel it fully and allow yourself to experience it without judging whether it's good or bad.
As painful as it is, being authentic and honest about your feelings will enable you to move beyond the pain and suffering and experience Alzheimer's disease more peacefully. If you're the kind of person who avoids feeling some of these difficult or uncomfortable emotions, perhaps, Alzheimer's disease has come into your life to help you grow. As August Gold so eloquently stated: "To enter the conversation of life we have only to change one key word: We have to stop asking why this is happening to me and start asking why it is happening for me?"
Today, try to be honest about your feelings and feel the pain and suffering that may be in your life. Give yourself permission to embrace what you're feeling. Are you honest with your feelings? Do you embrace the good feelings as well as the ones that aren't so pleasant? What lessons can we learn from Alzheimer's disease?
Monday 19 August 2013
Restraints Destroy the Alzheimer's Spirit
In my very first post, Light a Candle, I talked about the belief that "it is better to light a candle than curse the darkness" (Eleanor Roosevelt). However, in order for there to be light, we have to experience the darkness. I dare say that restraints are the dark side of Alzheimer's disease and dementia, and whether or not you believe they have their place, it is undeniable that they have a profound impact on the person who is being restrained.
I was touched to my core recently when a very corageous woman shared her story about her mother who had spent the last hours of her life being physically and chemically restrained in an effort to keep herself as well as others safe. She was in the emergency department of a hospital and as a result of her escalating agitation, it was deemed necessary to use wrist straps to restrain her arms, uniformed security to sit vigil, and antipsychotic medication to try and get her "under control." It is heartbreaking to think about the way she experienced the last hours of her life.
That scenario has played over in mind as I couldn't help but draw comparisons with another scenario that I had recently read about. I recently finished the book, Heaven is For Real and there was a section in the book when the father described that it was necessary to physically restrain the boy who needed to have a medical procedure and the only way to accomplish that was through physical restraint. I also think back to my own children who needed to be physically restrained to get stitches, or have a medical procedure. Is there a difference between these two scenarios? If so, what?
Restraints in the Alzheimer's world come in the form of physical, chemical or environmental restraints. How do we ensure that restraints are used only in the smallest number of cases when there is absolutely no choice, by people who are knowledgable about dementia care and the full range of alternatives to restraint use have been explored? I would like to say that under no circumstances are restraints appropriate, however, I don't know that that position is realistic. Or is it?
I do know that there is a difference between doing things from a place of compassion as compared to convenience. When my mother-in-law, Jessie was exhibiting really anxious and agitated behavior we were concerned that she was suffering. We ruled out all the physical causes and then went to work on other causes. In that process, we did agree to try antipsychotic medication with the goal being to observe her response and if she seemed to feel better, great. If not, we would stop the medication and go back to the drawing board. I believe we were coming from a place of compassion, with our goal being to ease her suffering.
When the use of restraints of any nature, contributes to suffering we really have to ask ourselves what are we doing here? There have been many times that thoughtful and compassionate discussions with family members resulted in a decision not to restrain, knowing that there was risk associated with that. That decision was often grounded in the knowledge that keeping people safe through restraint is often an illusion in that there is a tremendous risk to the body as well as the spirit.
I have a lot of questions about this whole topic and would love to hear other people's thoughts. Are restraints ever justified? If they are to be used, how do we ensure they are used with compassion and wisely? How do we create dementia friendly environments that reduce or eliminate the use of restraints?
I was touched to my core recently when a very corageous woman shared her story about her mother who had spent the last hours of her life being physically and chemically restrained in an effort to keep herself as well as others safe. She was in the emergency department of a hospital and as a result of her escalating agitation, it was deemed necessary to use wrist straps to restrain her arms, uniformed security to sit vigil, and antipsychotic medication to try and get her "under control." It is heartbreaking to think about the way she experienced the last hours of her life.
That scenario has played over in mind as I couldn't help but draw comparisons with another scenario that I had recently read about. I recently finished the book, Heaven is For Real and there was a section in the book when the father described that it was necessary to physically restrain the boy who needed to have a medical procedure and the only way to accomplish that was through physical restraint. I also think back to my own children who needed to be physically restrained to get stitches, or have a medical procedure. Is there a difference between these two scenarios? If so, what?
Restraints in the Alzheimer's world come in the form of physical, chemical or environmental restraints. How do we ensure that restraints are used only in the smallest number of cases when there is absolutely no choice, by people who are knowledgable about dementia care and the full range of alternatives to restraint use have been explored? I would like to say that under no circumstances are restraints appropriate, however, I don't know that that position is realistic. Or is it?
I do know that there is a difference between doing things from a place of compassion as compared to convenience. When my mother-in-law, Jessie was exhibiting really anxious and agitated behavior we were concerned that she was suffering. We ruled out all the physical causes and then went to work on other causes. In that process, we did agree to try antipsychotic medication with the goal being to observe her response and if she seemed to feel better, great. If not, we would stop the medication and go back to the drawing board. I believe we were coming from a place of compassion, with our goal being to ease her suffering.
When the use of restraints of any nature, contributes to suffering we really have to ask ourselves what are we doing here? There have been many times that thoughtful and compassionate discussions with family members resulted in a decision not to restrain, knowing that there was risk associated with that. That decision was often grounded in the knowledge that keeping people safe through restraint is often an illusion in that there is a tremendous risk to the body as well as the spirit.
I have a lot of questions about this whole topic and would love to hear other people's thoughts. Are restraints ever justified? If they are to be used, how do we ensure they are used with compassion and wisely? How do we create dementia friendly environments that reduce or eliminate the use of restraints?
Friday 16 August 2013
Live Life Mindfully
by Doug MacLean from Practical Wellbeing
Hello. My name is Doug MacLean and I am a teacher of mindfulness in Calgary. Bev kindly asked me to do a guest blog and I am excited to be able to provide an overview of mindfulness and a few tips on how to get started practicing mindfulness.
Let me start with telling you what mindfulness is. Mindfulness is defined as the awareness that comes from paying attention from moment to moment to your experience. By experience, I mean what we apprehend through our senses, including hearing, tasting, touching, seeing and smelling. Mindfulness also includes paying attention to your experience without judgment. Practically speaking, the mind is often making judgments automatically. Consequently, mindfulness asks you to notice when the mind has made a judgment and to suspend the judgment.
To be mindful is to tap into the capacity of your mind for paying attention and holding the attention of whatever you experience. It can be thought of as a way to self observe experience. Mindfulness becomes the knowing of your experience and may be thought of as a container that holds all experiences regardless of their qualities.
Mindfulness is cultivated through formal practices where you focus your attention on an object and then you try to maintain your attention on the object over a period of time. I teach this practice through a secular approach using either meditation or gentle yoga. In meditation, the object of attention will vary, however, the breath is often used for this purpose. In gentle yoga, the object of attention is either the breath or body sensations or both together.
The suggestion is that you can observe your experience. This enables one to find some space between the experience itself and how you respond to your experience. Through finding this “space” one is able to choose a response rather than being carried away by habitual reactions that are characteristic of being on auto pilot and usually a result of our past experiences and conditioning.
Here are some suggestions for starting a mindfulness meditation practice. Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted for a set period of time - it could be just 5 or 10 minutes to start. Sit upright on a firm chair with your feet flat on the floor and lower your gaze. You can choose to close your eyes if you are comfortable with that. Embody a feeling of calmness and stability in your physical body. One easy way of doing this is to repeat silently the words “calm” or “calmness” a few times and see if you can connect with your potential for physical calmness. Next, turn your attention to your breathing where you feel it most dominantly in your body. Focus on the feeling of each breath as it comes in and out. When your mind wanders away from the feeling of the breath, which is normal, gently and with compassion, return your attention back to the breath. When you think the time you set aside is up, check the clock. If it isn’t, return to the breath. Once the time is up, simply return to the activities of your day.
Hello. My name is Doug MacLean and I am a teacher of mindfulness in Calgary. Bev kindly asked me to do a guest blog and I am excited to be able to provide an overview of mindfulness and a few tips on how to get started practicing mindfulness.
Let me start with telling you what mindfulness is. Mindfulness is defined as the awareness that comes from paying attention from moment to moment to your experience. By experience, I mean what we apprehend through our senses, including hearing, tasting, touching, seeing and smelling. Mindfulness also includes paying attention to your experience without judgment. Practically speaking, the mind is often making judgments automatically. Consequently, mindfulness asks you to notice when the mind has made a judgment and to suspend the judgment.
To be mindful is to tap into the capacity of your mind for paying attention and holding the attention of whatever you experience. It can be thought of as a way to self observe experience. Mindfulness becomes the knowing of your experience and may be thought of as a container that holds all experiences regardless of their qualities.
Mindfulness is cultivated through formal practices where you focus your attention on an object and then you try to maintain your attention on the object over a period of time. I teach this practice through a secular approach using either meditation or gentle yoga. In meditation, the object of attention will vary, however, the breath is often used for this purpose. In gentle yoga, the object of attention is either the breath or body sensations or both together.
The suggestion is that you can observe your experience. This enables one to find some space between the experience itself and how you respond to your experience. Through finding this “space” one is able to choose a response rather than being carried away by habitual reactions that are characteristic of being on auto pilot and usually a result of our past experiences and conditioning.
Here are some suggestions for starting a mindfulness meditation practice. Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted for a set period of time - it could be just 5 or 10 minutes to start. Sit upright on a firm chair with your feet flat on the floor and lower your gaze. You can choose to close your eyes if you are comfortable with that. Embody a feeling of calmness and stability in your physical body. One easy way of doing this is to repeat silently the words “calm” or “calmness” a few times and see if you can connect with your potential for physical calmness. Next, turn your attention to your breathing where you feel it most dominantly in your body. Focus on the feeling of each breath as it comes in and out. When your mind wanders away from the feeling of the breath, which is normal, gently and with compassion, return your attention back to the breath. When you think the time you set aside is up, check the clock. If it isn’t, return to the breath. Once the time is up, simply return to the activities of your day.
I suggest that you start with 5 or 10 minutes. Over time, you can increase the time.
Practice daily as this will promote strength and your capacity for calmness and stillness.
Finally, it is easy to get impatient. If you notice this arising, intentionally bring patient
and persistence to the practice.
Monday 12 August 2013
Watering the Seeds of Compassion
I know I've already written a post about compassion but I feel so strongly about it that I'm going to write another one. In this one, I am going to bare my soul about my experience with compassion and the time in my life when it was triggered. I can remember the actual moment when my compassion seed received it's first dose of water and fertilizer. Joan Halifax, in her beautiful video on compassion describes how we're all born with compassion, but that the seed needs to be nourished.
For me, I was a young girl of 5 or 6. I was playing outside with a friend and we got into an argument. She hit me in the head with a stick that had a nail in it and I had to go to the emergency department for stitches. When I was getting the stitches, I had a dark cloth over my head so I couldn't see anything. I was very afraid and I had someone, who I assume was a nurse, hold my hand. Her presence gave me a profound sense of peace and calm. I never saw what she looked like, I only know the feeling that I had. I believe it was in that moment that the seed of compassion was watered by that angel. I think that's why I wanted to become a nurse, as I wanted to be that person that could feel compassion and journey with people when they were at their most vulnerable.
In my previous post, I talked about how important
compassion is in the Alzheimer's world and how to practice self-compassion. I believe that compassion is equally, maybe even more important than high marks for getting into programs that train health care professionals. I think that compassion needs to be part of the core and required curriculum for all people working in the field. I would love to believe that all health care professionals are compassionate, but unfortunately that's just not the case. Imagine a world where all people who were touched by Alzheimer's disease or dementia experienced only compassion and love. What difference would that make? What stories of compassion can you share?
For me, I was a young girl of 5 or 6. I was playing outside with a friend and we got into an argument. She hit me in the head with a stick that had a nail in it and I had to go to the emergency department for stitches. When I was getting the stitches, I had a dark cloth over my head so I couldn't see anything. I was very afraid and I had someone, who I assume was a nurse, hold my hand. Her presence gave me a profound sense of peace and calm. I never saw what she looked like, I only know the feeling that I had. I believe it was in that moment that the seed of compassion was watered by that angel. I think that's why I wanted to become a nurse, as I wanted to be that person that could feel compassion and journey with people when they were at their most vulnerable.
compassion is in the Alzheimer's world and how to practice self-compassion. I believe that compassion is equally, maybe even more important than high marks for getting into programs that train health care professionals. I think that compassion needs to be part of the core and required curriculum for all people working in the field. I would love to believe that all health care professionals are compassionate, but unfortunately that's just not the case. Imagine a world where all people who were touched by Alzheimer's disease or dementia experienced only compassion and love. What difference would that make? What stories of compassion can you share?
Thursday 8 August 2013
Do You Believe in Coincidences?
Coincidences are not accidents but signals from the universe which can guide us toward our true destiny- Deepak Chopra
An amazing thing happened to me today that gave me goose bumps. I decided to make hamburger soup which I hadn't made for several months. I thought it would be a good thing to make so that I would have left overs to bring over to my dad who just got out of the hospital. I opened the cupboard and pulled out the recipe book. As I pulled out the book a recipe card appeared out of nowhere and landed on the floor. I picked up the card and it was a hamburger soup recipe that my mother-in-law, Jessie had made. The strange thing is that I had never seen this card before nor do I know where it came from. It was a very strange thing that this hamburger soup recipe came out of nowhere when I was pulling out my cookbook to get a hamburger soup recipe! Is that a coincidence or a message?
I have noticed a lot of situations lately that I am coming to believe aren't coincidences. As I've been writing this blog about Alzheimer's disease, I have spent a lot of time thinking about Jessie. There are times when I wonder whether this blog is helpful or of interest to anyone. At these times of doubt, there are signals that I get that I have to believe are coming from Jessie encouraging me to continue. There are times when I walk into my house and it smells like Jessie for a very brief time. This has only happened since she passed away. There have been numerous things that my husband and I look at each other and say "that's a message from Jessie."
Do you believe in coincidences or are they messages from the universe? I loved the article Coincidences: Clues from the Universe by Deepak Chopra. As Chopra explains, "When a coincidence arises, don't ignore it. Ask yourself, What is the message here? What is the significance of this?" He goes on to explain ways that you can nurture coincidences and the impact they can have on your life. What coincidences have you experienced that gave you goosebumps?
I have noticed a lot of situations lately that I am coming to believe aren't coincidences. As I've been writing this blog about Alzheimer's disease, I have spent a lot of time thinking about Jessie. There are times when I wonder whether this blog is helpful or of interest to anyone. At these times of doubt, there are signals that I get that I have to believe are coming from Jessie encouraging me to continue. There are times when I walk into my house and it smells like Jessie for a very brief time. This has only happened since she passed away. There have been numerous things that my husband and I look at each other and say "that's a message from Jessie."
Do you believe in coincidences or are they messages from the universe? I loved the article Coincidences: Clues from the Universe by Deepak Chopra. As Chopra explains, "When a coincidence arises, don't ignore it. Ask yourself, What is the message here? What is the significance of this?" He goes on to explain ways that you can nurture coincidences and the impact they can have on your life. What coincidences have you experienced that gave you goosebumps?
Friday 2 August 2013
Choose To Practice Patience with Alzheimer's Disease
Patience is a choice and not something you have or don't have. By choosing to practice patience with Alzheimer's disease you're making a choice to be more peaceful and less stressed. M. J. Ryan in her book The Power of Patience, describes simple, everyday ways to practice being more patient in your life.
I interviewed a number of people whose family members had died with Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia. When asked what they would have done differently if they had a "do over", they all said, "be more patient." Not being patient enough, left them feeling sad and guilty about the time that they spent with their loved ones.
The good news is that patience is something that can be practiced and developed. In order to practice patience, you first need to identify when impatience is starting to surface. It often happens without a person even being consciously aware of it. I really experienced that when I started training my dog to do pet therapy work. I would start getting impatient and really didn't notice that I would tense up and get a knot in my stomach. The feelings were there, but I wasn't actually noticing it, even though I was putting off a certain "vibe". The point is that the feelings of impatience not only impacts us, but also those people around us. Amy Gross wrote a nice little article on the Oprah network, Patience is a Skill, which provides some basic suggestions of how to practice patience.
When it comes to Alzheimer's disease, our patience is usually tested for a couple of main reasons. The first one is the impact the disease has on the person. In these situations, it's important to remind yourself that it is the disease not the person that is to blame. The second one is time, and the more we identify with time the more impatient we will be. If you come at a situation from the perspective that you have all the time in the world, you will experience less impatience. I like the idea of symbolically leaving your watch at the door when you're with someone with Alzheimer's disease. Even if you only have a certain amount of time, be all there for the time that you have!
In my next post, we'll explore peace finding practices that provide valuable tools for responding to impatience and other uncomfortable feelings! What aspects of Alzheimer's disease result in your impatience? What helps you become more patient with Alzheimer's disease?
I interviewed a number of people whose family members had died with Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia. When asked what they would have done differently if they had a "do over", they all said, "be more patient." Not being patient enough, left them feeling sad and guilty about the time that they spent with their loved ones.
The good news is that patience is something that can be practiced and developed. In order to practice patience, you first need to identify when impatience is starting to surface. It often happens without a person even being consciously aware of it. I really experienced that when I started training my dog to do pet therapy work. I would start getting impatient and really didn't notice that I would tense up and get a knot in my stomach. The feelings were there, but I wasn't actually noticing it, even though I was putting off a certain "vibe". The point is that the feelings of impatience not only impacts us, but also those people around us. Amy Gross wrote a nice little article on the Oprah network, Patience is a Skill, which provides some basic suggestions of how to practice patience.
When it comes to Alzheimer's disease, our patience is usually tested for a couple of main reasons. The first one is the impact the disease has on the person. In these situations, it's important to remind yourself that it is the disease not the person that is to blame. The second one is time, and the more we identify with time the more impatient we will be. If you come at a situation from the perspective that you have all the time in the world, you will experience less impatience. I like the idea of symbolically leaving your watch at the door when you're with someone with Alzheimer's disease. Even if you only have a certain amount of time, be all there for the time that you have!
In my next post, we'll explore peace finding practices that provide valuable tools for responding to impatience and other uncomfortable feelings! What aspects of Alzheimer's disease result in your impatience? What helps you become more patient with Alzheimer's disease?
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